My dear readers,

Love or Hatred in Your Home?

Proverbs 15:17: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”

What kind of home do you have? How do you measure what a beautiful home is? When you drive along roads that have the names of royalties like King Albert Park or Queen Astrid Park, do you gasp and stare at all the fanciful houses and big land area and think what beautiful lives these people must have? “These elite places of accommodation are meant for the chosen few” – so the world has bombarded us with since we were children. It is hard not to think that beautiful houses will spawn beautiful lives! Conversely, poor houses with broken doors and dirty walls punctured by filthy unwashed windows must house sad and unhappy families. They must worry day and night about their daily meals. They probably live from hand to mouth. Their future is just as bleak and hopeless as their present lives! They weep the moment they opens their eyes and cry to sleep as they reflect on their sad day of emptiness surrounded by unwanted furniture that is not fit for an animal to sit on!

For many living in the 21^st century, the above two perspectives are ingrained into their sub-conscience. More money more happiness! Less money less happiness! No money, no happiness! Can the above images be true for the child of God? Proverbs 15:17 declares with a resounding NO! These are pictures of lies fabricated by the devil to delude his slaves who serve him and who devote their lives, energy and soul in the pursuit of a mirage. They are building castles in the air! Children of God have had their eyes opened by Christ. They see through the facade. This experiential truth is expressed vividly by God in Proverbs 15:17

Love is paramount in every home! – “Dinner of herbs” is a poor man’s diet. This describes a poor family in Israel that could not even afford pigeons or turtle doves. They could only afford to eat vegetables. God is not teaching that a vegan diet and love is better. This understanding would negate the comparison between the first and the second lines of this verse. This family prefers the love of God in their home than wealth untold!

The love that the Bible speaks of is not the love of the world. The love of the world is always conditional; based upon a particular relationship or some hidden agenda of personal gain or advantage. For example, a parent loves his child because he is his child. This is the same pertaining to a friend’s love! A man might do some good and it might appear very altruistic on the surface but there is a hidden agenda of some personal benefit such as to go to heaven, or to sooth a conscience, or to gain fame, or to leave some “part” of oneself behind to be remembered! The love that Proverbs 15:17 speaks of is present in believers only. This is the love of God that is unconditional and sacrificial.

The believer receives this love from God when he is born again. He loves unconditionally and sacrificially just as he experienced this same love from his Saviour, Jesus Christ. This love enables him to love his family, friends and even his enemies. This love is the primary focus of his relationship with all of them. He will do whatever it takes to ensure that his love for them is real and felt by all of them daily. With this love, all else takes second place. He will sacrifice his personal wants and desires for them. Love of money has no place in his heart. He will give up his right of personal material gain in order to maintain this love with all of them. For example, he will not take his siblings to court if they want to deprive him of their parental inheritance. He will happily let them have it all regardless of the amount because their souls are more important. He does not want to win money and lose his siblings’ souls, for he knows that at the end of any lawsuit for inheritance, relationships will be soured and there is no winner but only losers all round. The souls of his siblings are more important to him because of his sacrificial love for them.

This is not only the focus of his heart but this love is always in truth. He will help them be better people by ensuring that integrity, good strong morals and Christian ethics are seen in his life. He understands that it is not right or fair to impose Christian principles on others who are not believers. But from his own dealings with them he will ensure that his love for them is always in God's truth. In this way, the people around him will be able to actually experience the love of Christ through his interaction with them. He loves his wife as Christ loves the church. He loves his children by bringing them up in the fear and nurture of the Lord Jesus Christ. He loves his enemies by turning the other cheek when they attack him and he goes the second mile when they compel him to go the first mile. These are not nice platitudes but well seen and practised realities on a day to day basis. Love means to always be ready to say “sorry”. With the mind of Christ and his love for them, he is ever ready to apologize. He will do his utmost to ensure peace and love is a constant couplet in his life and home. He teaches himself and his family to say sorry from their hearts for Christ’s sake whenever mistakes or sins are committed.

Christian love is the best and only ingredient that ought to characterise every Christian home.

Hatred within is not worth the wealth! – A “stalled ox” literally refers to a “fatted ox.” This ox does not need to work in the field as the owner probably has many oxen. He can even afford to just feed the ox until it is fat. An ox is fatted usually for a grand feast to show off the wealth of the owner to all his invited guests! This phrase demonstrates that the owner chose wealth rather than love in his home.

The pursuit of wealth is a time consuming or killing endeavour. The more one spends in the pursuit of wealth the more he sacrifices what is far more precious. Family life is usually the sacrifice in the pursuit of wealth. The pursuer is often not at home. He is out in the world running after that illusive wealth which he deludes himself, with conscience-numbing frequency, into believing that he is doing it for his family! By this very act he is losing his family. When he comes home (which is very infrequent), he usually soothes his conscience with expensive gifts for every family member. He thinks that his failure to spend precious time at home can be compensated by the precious gifts he brings. To no avail he will find out too late that what he has purchased in his pursuit of a “better” material life for his family will result in the loss of his family. He often quarrels with his wife because they have become strangers. He feels gutted in his soul when he finds no appreciation from her for all the many “sacrifices” he had endured away from home for the “betterment” of the family!

His children find that it is more comfortable when dad is away from home than to have him home, at least there is more peace and quiet. When he tries to involve himself in his children’s lives they feel that he is intruding. The children have grown into teenagers and their father is more of a banker to them than a dear parent. Father thinks that his children are still the “little cute toddlers” that he bounced on his knees, for that is the last image he has of them before he began his pursuit of wealth away from home. At the end of his tired life, all he has will be a large empty house and a huge bank account with no one to share with. All that the family wanted from father was his presence and love and not his absence and money! By then everyone would be crying over spilt milk and there is nothing anyone can do to turn the clock back and start all over again! Hatred and anger have become the character of his vast domain!